


If the world turned upside down

by twilightwonderer



Category: Holby City
Genre: Angst, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Evan is a 🐍, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Protective Siblings, Self Harm, Sibling Bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2020-04-07 12:34:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19085134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twilightwonderer/pseuds/twilightwonderer
Summary: A Chloe/Dom one shot with a lot of angst thrown in. (Yes, I know I suck at summaries, basically Evan's an idiot, Chloe is sad and Dom steps up as big brother). TW for descriptions of self-harm and violence. Please read with caution.





	If the world turned upside down

**Author's Note:**

> TW: I want to again stress the trigger warnings on this because the next few paragraphs are quite dark and I don't want to upset anyone. So if reading about self harm or violence is going to affect you I really want to urge you to either read this with caution or maybe come back to it at another time.

_You stupid girl!_

Chloe winced as the blade sliced her skin. This was the only thing in her life that made sense right now. If she cut, it causes pain. A simple cause and effect mantra that had followed her around for years. She watched as the blood ran out of the wound, the more it trickled, the more the sense of relief she was feeling grew. All of the bad inside her was being released, and it felt good. It was this feeling she had become addicted to, the release, the cleansing. The pain was just an added bonus, she didn't cut to cause pain, well, not the first time she did it anyway. But this time around she was thankful for the pain, because it made her feel alive, she felt something other than numb and it made her feel human again.

She cut again. And watched again. Tears were dripping onto her arm and mixing with the blood. She ran the blade across her skin one more time before she stopped. If she allowed herself to keep going she knew she would loose control, and she couldn't do that, not now, not at work.

She watched as the wounds bled, after sometime the bleeding had begun to slow down but she made no effort to aide this any further. She didn't want to. She needed all of the pain inside her to leave. The sound of someone coming into the bathroom made her panic and she quickly grabbed some tissue and wiped the small amount of blood that had missed the toilet and landed on the tiled floor away and prayed that whoever it was hadn't noticed. She waited until they had left the bathroom, luckily whoever it was must have just needed to wash their hands and had left pretty quickly.

After throwing the bloodied tissue into the toilet and flushing it away she headed to the sink to wash away the blood, the red liquid mixed in with the water and swirled down the drain. She pulled down the sleeve of her top before washing the evidence of her tears away with the cold water. A beep on her pager interrupted her and after a composing breath she headed to Keller, no one needed to know about this. This was her secret.

* * *

"Hey" Evan greeted as he entered the Keller staff room. Chloe was stood by the counter absentmindedly stirring a cup of coffee. When she didn't respond he walked up to her. "Chloe? Hello. Earth to Chloe Godard" He waved a hand in front of her face, which gained her attention.

"Sorry, I was in my own world" Chloe said shakily. "What do you want?" She asked him.

"Oh, so that's how you greet your boyfriend" Evan joked leaning against the counter.

She closed her eyes briefly before opening them in an attempt to compose herself "Sorry" She said softly.

"Chloe, what's up?" He asked.

"I'm fine" She dismissed his concern, she couldn't help but feel guilty. He would be so upset if he found out what she had done.

"I know you, better than anyone" He told her, placing his hands on the top of her arms. She looked to the floor. "You're not ok, are you?"

She pushed his hands away. "Evan, stop. I don't deserve this. You. Just." She told him, seeming to stutter at the loss of words.

"Chloe, we've been over this. So, stop apologising. Talk to me, I can't help you if you don't talk to me" He stepped back towards her and placed his hands back on her arms. "Tell me what's going on"

She didn't answer.

"You're not ok, you weren't with it when we were with that patient, I'm not the only one who has noticed"

"Evan don't" she was afraid of where this conversation was going.

"And why not. I can't help you if you don't talk to me"

"I don't need help. I'm fine" she went to push past him and leave but he stopped her by grabbing her arm, which caused her to wince. She knew he would now know what had happened, what she had done. She could tell by the change of his facial expression that he knew. She froze and could only watch in fear as he slid the sleeve of her top up.

"Why?" He asked, his tone annoyed. "I've told you to just talk to me"

She pulled her arm back from his grip and slid the sleeve back down. "When I'm in that space I can't, its not that I don't want to, I physically can't"

"Then talk to me now" He pressed.

"There's no point it doesn't change anything. My Mum still hates me and nothing about what happened to her or how I was conceived will ever change. I wasn't wanted then and I'm not wanted now" Her voice shook as she spoke as did her hands but she hid this by crossing her arms.

"Chloe you're being ridiculous. Of course you're wanted" He guided her over to the sofa. As her legs met the back of the chair she sit down and drew her knees up to her chest protectively. Evan sat next to her and pulled her into his arms. At first she seemed to have an internal battle with herself as to whether or not to accept Evan's offer of comfort, but eventually relaxed. "My own mother never wanted me! She never wanted any of this, none of this is fair" she cried into his chest.

"I want you" he told her. "I love you"

"Well you shouldn't" she continued to cry, "I don't deserve it"

Evan held her as she cried and whispered words of comfort into her hair. Eventually she managed to regain her composure and released the right grip she had had on his shirt.

"I'm sorry" she apologised wiping her tears away with the back of her hands "You shouldn't have to deal with this. It's not fair on you"

"It's fine, that's what I'm here for, besides I know you'd do the same for me"

She nodded. "Do you think I'm overthinking it? Be honest"

"You have a right to be upset" He told her. "Overthinking how?"

"Dom. Mum, I just can't get my head around it" She said in an exasperated tone.

"It's a mess, that's for sure" He remarked.

"Yeah" She agreed. "I'm probably just being paranoid, but I just can't get over the fact she lied and where that email came from is bothering me as well" She told him. "I mean, Mum says she didn't send it. And Dom claims to have only emailed Mum, and emails just don't send themselves" She was confused.

"Can you believe anything that comes out of your Mum's mouth right now?" Evan pointed out, becoming nervous that his actions would be exposed. "Or Dom's mouth for that matter, I mean he did manipulate the theatre stuff didn't he?"

"I don't know" She stood up and paced as she spoke "He says he only did it to get us all in the same room. Mum says it wasn't him and if she had plans to tell me anyway, why would she send it? It just doesn't make sense"

"What does Ange say about it then?" Evan quizzed.

"She's apparently as confused as I am. No idea how it got to me. She suspects someone must have sent it from her laptop without her knowing. Although, I have no idea who would do something like that?"

Evan paused, and thought carefully about his next move. "No, that seems weird"

She sat back down and looked him in the eyes. Her leg bounced with anxiety and she twisted her hands together, she was anxious about how he would react."Evan, I need to ask you something. And don't take this personally but I need to know" Chloe was nervous to continue. She looked Evan in the eyes. "Mum suspects someone, and I don't think I believe her so I need to rule it out otherwise my brain will get carried away"

"Chloe, just spit it out" Evan told her. Masking his concern about what Chloe could be wanting to ask him.

"Did you forward the email?" She asked, she looked at him with a petrified look, she was so afraid of how he would react, she really didn't want to upset him.

Evan just looked at her. "I'm who that woman suspects? That's ridiculous" He spat.

Suddenly everything seemed to fit together, his angry reaction was the final piece of the puzzle and the picture it completed wasn't a nice one at all. "It was you? Wasn't it?" Chloe accused, she quickly got to her feet and went to leave the room but stopped when he spoke. She wanted nothing more than to just run away from this, but something stopped her.

"I thought you'd want to know that she was hiding something" he explained.

She turned around. "I don't believe this"

"Chloe, you had a right to know-"

"No!" Chloe shouted. "Evan. Stop. So, you're telling me that you snooped around on Mum's laptop and sent that email to me, knowing it would upset me. Knowing that whatever it was about would lead to me and Mum falling out?"

"I didn't-" He stuttered. "Chloe, stop!" He quickly stood and grabbed hold of her wrist to stop her from leaving. "If you leave me you'll have no one"

"No, I'm not falling for this again. Get off me!" Chloe panicked. His grip was tight and she was certain it has opened up her wounds. "She was right about you all along. Mum warned me, but did I listen to her? God's sake Evan! I trusted you"

"I'm sorry" Evan pleaded.

"Save it, I don't want to hear it" Chloe pulled her arm away from him. "There's no coming back from this Evan. We're done. It's over!" She opened the door and ran. She ran out of the room, the ward and the hospital. Only stopping when she reached the memorial garden. It was then that the emotions caught up with her and she collapsed onto the bench, drew her knees up to her chest and allowed herself to cry.

* * *

"Fletch" Dominic shouted after him. "You haven't seen Chloe, have you?"

He shook his head. "Not for a while, why?"

"She was supposed to be in surgery with Ange, but didn't turn up" He told him, concerned.

"No idea, I'm sure she has her reasons though"

"Yeah, I'm sure she does" Dom remarked; his concern was now masked by a frustrated tone.

"Did it go ok?" Fletch checked. "The surgery?"

"Yeah fine, Madani came to help us out, patient's fine"

"Are you looking for Chloe?" Essie asked, overhearing the conversation. Dom nodded. "From what I could hear, something's happened with her and Evan. All I could work out is she's told him it's over and then run off. She looked upset but I was busy with a patient and couldn't go after her"

Dom's concern grew. "Have you seen Evan?"

"He's on AAU, Serena collared him" Essie told him.

"Good, as long as he's out the way" Dom was slightly relieved. "Which was did she run off?"

"That way" She pointed.

"Tell Ange where I've gone won't you" Dom instructed before running off.

Essie and Fletch watched as he ran off. "What's that all about?" She asked him.

"No idea" Fletch was interrupted by his pager. "I've got to go, but keep me updated"

"Sure" Essie agreed before turning her attention back to what she had been doing.

* * *

"Ah there you are" Dom said as he saw Chloe. Chloe was sat on the bench, she was crouched over, her elbows were resting on her knees and her head was in her hands which clutched at her hair. He noticed that she was shaking. With caution he stepped forward and approached her slowly, she hadn't yet acknowledged that he was there, and he didn't want to startle her. "Chloe?" He asked, placing a gentle hand on her back. She flinched and moved away from his touch but once she registered that it was Dom relaxed. "Can I sit?" He asked, indicating to the bench.

"It's a free country" She shrugged in an attempt to hide her emotional distress with sarcasm, she made sure to avoid eye contact and returned her head to her hands.

"You ok?" He asked, he wasn't sure how she would respond to his question. Anyone could work out that she was obviously far from 'ok' but given everything that had happened recently he wasn't sure that she would answer him honestly.

Dom sat patiently waiting for her to respond. Chloe had an internal debate on whether or not she was going to tell him the truth or not, she wanted to tell him she was fine and to just run away but a quick glance up at his concerned expression made her reconsider. After what felt like an eternity to Dom, Chloe rubbed her forehead with her hands, sighed and looked up at him. She shook her head, not quite trusting her ability to speak without breaking down and crying.

"Essie mentioned you and Evan had a disagreement" He said, attempting to open up the conversation.

"I guess you could call it that" She replied in a soft tone.

"Want to talk about it?"

"It's a long story" She told him,

"I have time. Besides, I don't think my boss will tell me off" He pointed out.

"Probably not" She agreed. Chloe sighed and sat back in the bench, a slight gust of wind made her shiver and she pulled down the sleeves of her grey jumper so that they covered her hands. As she did this, he noticed five round red marks on her wrist, the bruise pattern was familiar to him as a doctor he had seen similar bruise patterns time and time again. He felt himself fill with anger; it was a type of anger he hadn't felt before. Someone had hurt his little sister, and he had a feeling he knew who was responsible. "Did he do that?" He asked her, his tone carrying this protective anger and a huge amount of concern. Her lack of response told him the answer and he went to take a hold of her hand so he could examine the injury but stopped himself, with his hand still held out her asked her permission. "Can I?".

Chloe looked down at her wrist, she hadn't noticed the marks until now. She nodded and allowed Dom to take a closer look at the injury. She didn't expect him to push her sleeve up and she saw his face drop even further when he saw the cuts.

"It's ok, I'm not going to judge you" he reassured. "But as a doctor I should really put a dressing on those"

"Not now" She spoke in a soft, broken tone. "I don't want to go back in there"

"I won't let him hurt you"

"Promise?" Chloe was unsure.

"I promise, if I have to slam him into the table again I will" She smiled sadly at his attempt to lighten the mood. "Can you make a fist?" He asked her, wanting to make sure it wasn't broken. She did. "Any pain when I do this?" He asked her, gently pressing on different areas of her wrist. She flinched slightly. "I don't think it's broken" He told her, "But it'll bruise". She retracted her hand and pulled the sleeve back down.

"It's not Evan I'm afraid of" She confessed. "Not really"

"Let me help you" He told her softly "Talk to me"

"This entire situation is a mess" Chloe said drawing her knees up to her chest.

"What with Evan? Or-?"

"Both, but I guess it's all part of the same situation anyway"

"What do you mean?" Dom asked, confused.

"I need to apologise to you" She closed her eyes and took a composing breath. "It was Evan who forwarded the email to me and then he put the idea in my head that it was you. I'm so sorry"

"What the one I sent to Ange?"

"Mum" she corrected him, "Yep"

"Oh" Dom was unsure what to say. "Why?"

"Your guess is as good as mine" Chloe replied. "It means Mum was right though" At Dom's confused look she explained. "When I was still at Capel Cross Mum tried to convince me to split up with him, said he was being manipulative and acting strange. So, we ended up falling out, I didn't speak to her for ages because of it, if it wasn't for Holly, I'd probably still be ignoring her now. I just didn't see it, I thought he loved me" she felt tears form in her eyes but blinked them away.

"I understand" Dom told her with a sincere tone. "I've been there"

"You have?"

"My ex" He confirmed.

"And you're not just saying that to put yourself on some kind of twisted empathetic level with me?" She wanted to believe him, but she couldn't ignore the screaming thought in her head that he was lying to her.

"I wish I was"

His tone confirmed to Chloe that he was indeed telling the truth. "What do I do now then?"

"What do you want to do?"

"I have no idea" She sighed.

"I think you should speak to Mum about him"

"I don't think I can. Besides I wouldn't know what to say" She said, her voice breaking.

"Do you want me to speak to her?" He offered.

"And why would you do that?"

"Because I care. Because he's dangerous and shouldn't be working in a hospital" He told her. "And not only are you my little sister, you're my friend"

"Thanks" She replied; her voice was almost inaudible. She wiped her cheek with her fingers to brush away a tear that had escaped.

"Do you want to go inside?" Dom asked as he felt another cold breeze.

"Not really"

"Do you want me to sit with you?"

She nodded, she looked down at the floor as she felt the tears return.

"You look like you need a hug" Dom told her in a soft tone. "Can I at least give you a hug?" She nodded. Without saying a word, he wrapped his arm around her, and she allowed him to gently guide her into his side. Chloe relaxed into his caring and gentle hold. He felt her body shake as she cried, and he responded by holding her closer and resting his chin on her head. "It's ok, I've got you. You're safe" He reassured her. "It'll be ok"

"It will?" She asked shakily after regaining her composure. She didn't pull away from him and instead rested her head on his shoulder and sat back on the bench.

"It will" He confirmed, taking her hand in his. "I promise"

**Author's Note:**

> So this was going to be a multi chapter but after staring at it for a while I've hit a bit of a block with it. *Insert that James Acaster on GBBO meme here*.  
> This is my first time posting on here so if I have done something wrong please let me know (I probably have).  
> Also, I owe two big thank yous to Elle and Becky for helping me out with this! Anyway, I hope this is ok, if you can leave a review I would be forever grateful. Love, Nat x


End file.
